The 22 Stupidest Questions That Photographers Hate to Hear

The hunger for knowledge and the willingness to learn are priceless, but you may have noticed, sometimes both the reason and the aim of a question are ignorant. Sometimes questions are not asked to gain knowledge, but to show off, simply provoke you or… just for really no reason.

People of many professions probably have a list of the stupidest questions they often hear regarding their job. And I bet they are not that unique; just take one or two stereotypes about a profession, add laziness and narrow-mindedness, and here we have a magic recipe for really, really annoying questions.

In this post, I have gathered some of the most popular questions photographers hear. As you also might have noticed, what people say and what they truly mean are usually quite different things, so I have also included a possible hidden meaning. There are also possible variations of answers, but I am sure everyone’s got their own 🙂

1. What camera do you have?
   Read: Is your camera expensive?
   Answer: I have a camera worth $1 billion. I forgot what it’s called.
2. Do you use Photoshop?
   Read: Are your original photos too crappy to be shown without editing?
   Answer: I mostly do basic post-processing in lightroom. Then, of course, I export photos to Photoshop for further, visual adjustments, enhancing them with Illustrator-made vector graphics to both preserve the photographic intent and spice up the work with extra aesthetics.
3. I am just starting to learn. What camera should I buy as my first: the Nikon D4 or the Canon EOS 1Dx?
   Read: I actually don’t give a damn what you will recommend. I will simply buy the most expensive one, and I am most definitely sure that it will add around 10 years to my experience.
   Answer: I don’t think those are good enough. In your place, I would rather go for Hasselblad or Mamiya with a digital back.
4. You work looks pretty easy. How come you make a living from it?
   Read: I bet your parents give you pocket money, you douchebag!
   Answer: I sometimes wonder about this, too. I work two hours a week and ride a Jaguar. Funny thing, eh?
5. Why did you choose Canon over Nikon?
   Read: How come you are SO ignorant about technology?
   Answer: I just got a Canon body as a gift, and now I have no choice but to expand the system.
6. Why don’t you invite girls to a shoot to make a move on them?
   Read: As silly as it is, the question is usually direct.
   Answer: I do, but they always run away and call the police.
7. Why don’t you watermark your photos?
   Read: Unlike you, I always watermark my photos, because they, unlike yours, cost a fortune!
   Answer: No need to worry, no one wants my crap even for free.
8. Can you add some makeup in Photoshop and make me thinner?
   Read: Maybe I should finally start eating less and…ah, screw it. It’s not my problem anyway.
   Answer: Sure, I will also make your face look like you’re as smart as having read 50 books last year.
9. Why don’t you have a BIG lens?
   Read: I strongly doubt that you’re a pro.
   Answer: I actually had one, but the FBI confiscated it because I was making headshots of Martians.
10. What are the correct settings for night shooting?
    Read: Don’t give me all that exposure theory nonsense. Just tell which button I should press.
    Answer: Just use the settings for daylight, only with a minus.
11. How many megapixels does you camera have?
    Read: Is your camera modern and expensive?
    Answer: You know, what matters more is the size of the matrix, not the megapixels because…ah, whatever! It has 1 trillion megapixels.
12. How much do you charge for a wedding?
    Read: What else could you possibly do as a photographer?
    Answer: I charge one night with the bride!
13. How do I zoom in on your camera?
    Read: Stupid, big camera!! 🙁
    Answer: With your legs, it is a prime lens.
14. Why do you tell me to turn off the flash? This landscape is totally dark!
    Read: You must be really, really stupid to tell me to turn off the flash at night!
    Answer: Just turn it off–it will scare the Yeti!
15. Can you make me a couple of photos. I will invite you to a dinner someday.
    Read: Hooray, a free meal!
    Answer: I will clean your toilet, too, of course…for a cheeseburger.
16. Do you take black-and-white photos?
    Read: I think only black-and-white photography reveals the real, true essence of a person, does not it?
    Answer: Castrating a donkey does not make it a stallion. Taking away color does not necessarily add value.
17. I am starting to pursue nude photography. What would you recommend?
    Read: Yep, I am that sophisticated.
    Answer: Exposed nipples make a photo a work of art automatically. There’s nothing to master anymore.
18. What point-and-shoot under $150 would you recommend for my little sister?
    Read: Google? Never heard of it.
    Answer: I’ll tell you right after you recommend me the best umbrella under $20!
19. Where does your inspiration come from?
    Read: Come on, don’t tell me you just sit and plan stuff.
    Answer: I drink absinthe with vodka and think about eternity.
20. Can I have all the original photos from the shoot?
    Read: I just cannot trust you to sort out the best ones.
    Answer: Yes, sure, I will also give you the contents of my kitchen-sink filter as a bonus.
21. Where do you make the Photoshop effect?
    Read: Tra-la-la-la-la…I want a lollipop…la-la-la…
    Answer: In Microsoft Paint, of course.
22. Is it film or digital?
    Read: I am looking at your photo, and I am not yet sure if it is a work of art or just a digital piece of crap.
    Answer: It is a beer-can pinhole with a medium-format digital back.

This list is far from being complete, so if there are any questions you are sick of, please share them with us in the comments!